Ten reasons why you should never marry a classical musician


1. Planning a wedding is a nightmare

Forget about reservations at the registry or caterers. The mind of a musician will be focused on one thing: the soundtrack. There will be playlist after playlist, all carefully selected for the optimal balance between mood and tone. You will be seated to listen to endless string quartet arrangements of Pachelbel’s Canon, which, to be fair, sound exactly the same to you.

If you are worried we may be able to help. We recently named the best music for wedding ceremonies.

2. Imagine… a flashy, one-on-one life

You will never be able to go into the background on Radio 3 while cooking again. Welcome to a new life of active listen. The radio will be cranked up to the max and Tippett’s Double String Orchestral Concerto will quickly become the centerpiece of the hall.

3. You have to support their musician friends

Sorry, but now you have to accept that every party ends with a lot of very careless people gathered around a piano – often singing in harmony with four voices. Usually the musicians will come armed with an instrument or two, so you will organize your own suburban orchestra rehearsal at 3 a.m. before you know it. It might be worth paying extra to get a little extra wall insulation when you do the extension.

4. Their instrument is more important than you

It’ll be a tough pill to swallow when you look at the bank statements at the end of the month and realize that their instrument insurance costs more than your entire month of groceries.

5. Say goodbye to date night

Dinner will now be a solo activity and the only evening date deal you’ll get will be a trip to the Southbank Center to see their concert. The notion of free concert tickets will soon become completely off-putting.

6. Your neighbors will hate you

When you first move in, you are the star of the road. “Did you hear that charming cello played at number 9?” You will hear them say as you smugly walk past your Lifetime Bag. Two weeks later, resentment begins to germinate. There are passive aggressive messages in the street WhatsApp group about “uncivilized hours” and “noise pollution”. To be honest, you started to hate that too, and went back to the office full time because working from home was starting to drive you crazy.

7. If there is music, good luck getting their attention.

Conversation attempts will be punctuated with “ooh, listen to that phrase!” Or ‘I love what the conductor did there, isn’t it fruity ?!’. And don’t even try to organize a dinner party, because all the social courtesies will be lost as your partner’s eyes freeze and they get lost in the sumptuousness of Ravel’s piano writing. You might spill bolognese on their knees and they probably won’t notice.

8. Holidays will never be spontaneous again

Your vacation will be dictated by a rigorous international touring schedule. A spontaneous trip to Paris for the weekend? No honey, I have rehearsals, but I have concerts booked in Minsk in July – why not extend the trip and vacation there this year? Heard their stews are top notch.

9. You will never be able to listen to Ed Sheeran in peace again.

Your pleasant pop soundtrack will now be covered in comments of “oop, another four chord song” or “Cardi B likes a triplet pattern, doesn’t she?” “.

10. Their bodies are their temples

Have you ever suffered the wrath of a guitarist with a broken fingernail? Or a soprano with a lung infection? Honestly, it’s best to avoid them. Things can get quite risky.


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